He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he fucked my hip out of place.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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