So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i already hear my dad disowning me
You can't special order awesome
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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