Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
