I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I love you.
Bad choice
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