Your mouth is God's brothel.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
