So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
