to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
