when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
