I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Let's paint friendship bongs
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
