fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
