what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize