why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
