I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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