He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
