I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
