Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
