how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
