we have officially lost it.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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