oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
