im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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