i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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