apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
