Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
