i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
