I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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