Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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