Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
