Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
