I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
