it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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