her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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