"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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