the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
