Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
