Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
