she smelled like a LAN party
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
