So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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