Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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