I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
