On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
