so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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