if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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