how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
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And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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