She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
