I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
