so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
