Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
