I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Houston, we have a squirter
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
