I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
