your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
