i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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