I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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