At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
