her facebook's as public as her vagina
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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