5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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