Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
