so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
