We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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