I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
