Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she smelled like a LAN party
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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