What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
